


This Feels a Lot Like Love

by yo_its_philly



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-29
Updated: 2014-09-29
Packaged: 2018-02-19 05:09:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2375843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yo_its_philly/pseuds/yo_its_philly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Interesting," Kelley repeats. "Yes. What I find incredibly interesting is why you, Ashlyn, have decided to go for some random girl with a kid. And you don't even know if she likes girls?"</p><p>"She doesn't have to," Ashlyn shrugs. "She just has to like me."</p>
            </blockquote>





	This Feels a Lot Like Love

**Author's Note:**

> I have a severe case of writers block for my other story. This was my end result.

It’s the end of summer, the first time Ali meets her new neighbor. She sees the girl lugging a box marked KITCHEN SHIT? up the stairs while Ali hurries down to catch the number eight bus to work. They do this stairwell tango - Ali can't fit through and she's not that much of a bitch to try and make herself, so she backs up the stairs and onto the landing. New Neighbor Girl smiles up at her gratefully. 

"Thanks." she says. "I'll be out of your hair soon."

"It's okay," Ali tells her just as another girl - this one with freckles scattered across her face like the night sky - comes struggling up the stairs wheezing. Her box says GAMES :D and she balances it on the banister before letting it fall onto the steps. "Jesus, Ashlyn, we need to work on your priorities - kitchen and game systems are typically not what gets brought up first."

"Yeah, but I get bored and hungry when I unpack stuff," Ashlyn says, and nods to Ali, who is shifting from foot to foot and now has about seven minutes to pull off a ten minute walk to the bus stop.  
"This is our neighbor, I think. Came out of 204?" 

Ashlyn doesn’t wait for confirmation, just waddles to her own door with her armful - 203 to Ali's 204 across the way. Ashlyn's friend is draped along the stairs now, panting against her box; she waves pitifully. "Hi, new neighbor. I'm Kelley, and I regret agreeing to this."

"I have to get to work," Ali blurts out. 

Kelley squints up at her. "Rough," is all she says, and Ali shakes her head.

"No - you're - "

"Shit, Kelley, you're in her way, move."

"But I'm so tired," Kelley says. "I think I'll die here.”

Ashlyn’s unlocking her apartment and she calls out, "Kelley, move, you ass."

Kelley blinks up at Ali. "Step over my frail, weakened body," she says woefully. "I don't mind."

Ali doesn't need to be told twice: she leaps down four steps at once and narrowly misses catching Kelley's foot. She's turning the corner of the stairwell hurriedly when she hears Ashlyn shout, "I'm sorry, I promise she'll be gone when you get back, 204!"

"Ali!" she yells back up at her feet hit the first floor landing, and all she hears when she pushes the door to the apartment complex open is Ashlyn's laugh.

*

Kelley isn't on the stairs when Ali gets back; Ali can hear her voice, among several others, coming from the open door to Ashlyn’s apartment. Ali tries walking past as quietly as possible - she still has to  
pick up Mia from upstairs - but she hears Ashlyn say, “Hey 204!”

Ali glances at the open doorway: a group of twenty-somethings are sitting on the floor eating Chinese, Ashlyn with a box all to herself and holding chopsticks. She’s smiling wide, dimples on full display, and happy, and she waves for Ali to come in. Ali leans against the doorframe instead, and nods at Ashlyn’s friends.

“Come have dinner with us! Hey, this is the girl I was telling you about,” Ashlyn tells a pair of girls sitting closest to her, which, what? 

She gets the distinct feeling she’s being given a once-over before one of them smiles sweetly. 

“Hi. I’m Alex.” She slides her fingers around the other girl’s wrist, and then nods at a girl to Ashlyn’s right. “Tobin - we live here, too. That's Megan. And Hope,” she points to a girl coming out of the  
kitchen with a bundle of paper plates in her hand. She glances at Ali, unsmiling, and then says to Ashlyn, “Do you even know her, she could be a murderer.”

“You could be a murderer,” Kelley says with a muffled voice from where she’s lying, inexplicably, underneath a coffee table. 

“Shut up, Kelley.”

“No - you definitely have a murderer face, Solo. How long have I said this? Ashlyn, back me up -”

“She has said that since we were like, fourteen,” Ashlyn agrees. 

“Yeah, see? This girl,” Kelley waves an arm blindly in Ali’s general direction, “just looks like she rescues puppies and then cries about it.”

Hope knocks the back of her hand against Kelley' thigh as she sits down, and Kelley yelps and bumps her head on the underside of the coffee table. 

“I promise they’re not always like this,” Tobin says, but Megan lifts both eyebrows and gives Ali a wry look.

“I promise they are always like this.”

“Um,” Ashlyn’s still smiling at her, maybe a little more hesitant, like she knows her friends are a bit much, all at once. “Dinner? You can have my eggroll.”

Ali shakes her head and feels a smile tug at her mouth. “No, sorry, I - um.” She hesitates, and then figures she may as well bite the bullet and end this friendship before it starts: “I have to pick up my  
daughter, so.”

Ali’s had experience with this - kids in their twenties don’t normally want to hang out with parents, even if the parent in question has only been able to legally buy alcohol for a handful of months. But here, Ashlyn’s smile just gets impossibly wider. “Aww, that’s so cute. You should bring her over, she can have a fortune cookie!”

“It’s late,” Ali says apologetically, and she does sort of feel sorry - they seem nice, and every adult in this building is at least ten years older than her. "Bedtime. You know.”

“Oh.” Ashlyn deflates, and then perks up just as quickly. “Well, next time then? Everyone on this floor is old as shit, you’re the youngest person we’ve seen walk by all day. That means you have to be  
our friend.”

Ali laughs, she can’t help it, and rubs the back of her neck. “Yeah, sure.”

She waves, gets a chorus of Bye, 204! in return, and makes her way up to 301, where her seventeen-year-old babysitter and general lifesaver Heather is waiting for her.

Mia’s sleeping when Heather hands her over carefully. She slings the diaper bag over Ali’s shoulders, says, “She just fell asleep - we went to the park today and she didn’t want to take a nap, so she’ll probably be out like a light until tomorrow morning.”

“Thanks,” she smiles, and hands her a twenty. She waves a goodbye and shuts the door; Ali makes her way down the stairs with a sleeping two year old in her arms, and when she gets to their apartment, she can see something lying on the welcome mat in front of it.

She realizes what it is when she gets closer, and she laughs and glances at the now-closed off apartment 203. She hears murmuring from behind it, hushed whispering, and picks up two unwrapped fortune cookies as carefully as she can with Mia still in her arms before she unlocks the door.

She’s turning to shut it when she catches sight of Ashlyn’s head poking out from her yet again open door. Ali waves the hand with the fortune cookies in it, and Ashlyn grins and waves back.

“Next time?” she asks again.

“Yeah, next time.”

Ashlyn looks pleased. “Sweet. Night, 204.”

“Ali,” she tells Ashlyn again on a laugh, and Ashlyn lifts a shoulder, still grinning wide.

“Goodnight, Ali,” she says, and Ali’s eyes crinkle in the corners.

“Night, Ashlyn.”

*

She's not really expecting Ashlyn to make an effort to reach out, so she's surprised when there's a knock at the door a few weeks later, and Ashlyn's standing in the hallway smiling.

"Hey." Ashlyn says. "So, I'm having an apartment-warming thing Friday night, if you want to come?"

It's tempting. She gets off her work-study shift at the school café at seven, makes it back here by eight, but -

Mia comes running across the room, babbling something in almost-English as she grabs her 'round the legs - mommy, more piderman? - and Ashlyn laughs.

"What’s piderman?"

"Spider-Man," Ali translates. "She's obsessed with her. Think it’s the webs."

"Cool," Ashlyn says as she looks down at her. She holds out a hand for her to high five. "Hi, sweetie, what's your name?"

She turns her face in shyly. Ali offers, "Mia." and Ashlyn glances up at Ali, and then smiles softly at her.

"That's okay, you don't have to say hi, Mia. But I did want to know if you'd come to a party with your mom?"

She lifts her head. "Pardee?"

Ali rolls her eyes fondly, combs a hand through her tangled, brown hair. "Of course she looks up at that."

"Hey," Ashlyn chides. "It just means she has good taste."

She presses her hands to the doorframe and leans in a bit. “You're going to come right?"

"I don't, I mean, I don't want to make you guys tone it down for her, it's okay -"

Ashlyn lets out a laugh. "Hey, we're not going to be swinging from chandeliers and throwing TVs out the window. Half of us have work on Saturday. There might be a pong game, but mostly we're just going to play like, Yahtzee and stuff."

Ali raises an eyebrow, doubtful. "Seriously?"

"I swear! We stopped playing Monopoly after Tobin made Kelley cry that one time, but, I've got like, Boggle. Jenga. Twister! I’ll kick your a - butt at Twister."

Ali doesn't bother to hold back a laugh at that. "Am I going to a housewarming party or a sleepover?"

Ashlyn grins. "Does that mean you're coming?"

Ali sighs, even as she smiles. "Yeah, why not, I get home at eight, Friday. I can't stay too late, but -"

"Great! It starts at nine but if you want to come over earlier, I don't mind at all."

"Okay, bye," Mia says at that, and tugs on Ali's arm. "Piderman please?"

"Sorry. She just wants me to restart the DVD." She’s yanking on her arm, trying to force her further into the apartment; Ali lets herself be pulled, and finds herself saying, "You can uh, come in, if you want."

Ashlyn glances back at her apartment, and then shrugs, steps in and closes the door behind her. "Why not, class doesn't start for another hour, anyway."

"You go to school around here?"

"Yeah, my second year. Got tired of that dorm life."

Mia’s still dragging Ali to the living room - The Amazing Spider-Man menu is stuck on loop, and she picks her up, plops her down on the sofa, and hits play on the DVD remote. She looks up at her and says, "Dank yoo."

Ali detours to the kitchen. "Do you want anything to drink?"

"Water's fine." She sits at the dingy little table Ali has set up there, with the wobbly leg and scratched top - out of place among the newer furniture and appliances, but Ali can’t afford a new one at the moment - and she glances around the apartment as Ali sets down a glass of tap water for her.

"So, you're - what, nineteen?" Ali asks as she sits, and Ashlyn shakes her head.

"No, I waited a year before I went to school." She takes a sip of her water, her mouth curving up along the rim of it. "I turned twenty a few weeks ago."

"Happy belated birthday.”

Ashlyn shrugs, and her mouth pulls up in the corners. "Thanks - what about you?"

"Umm," Ali glances into the living room - the loveseat faces the kitchen, and she can see Mia resting her head on the arm of the sofa. "I go to school. Part-time. I turned twenty-one in May."

"Damn." Ashlyn glances over her shoulder at her, too, before turning back to Ali. "How old is she?"

"She’ll be three in December.”

Ashlyn nudges her in the shin with her shoe, and Ali picks at a scratch on the table instead of looking up until Ashlyn folds her arms on the table and leans across it. "If this is totally uncalled for, you  
can tell me and I'll shut up -"

"Where's her dad?" Ali hazards a guess, and peeks up at her. "No idea."

"What - seriously. You're not divorced or anything are you?"

"No. Have to be married in order to get divorced." Ali starts to laugh, and then stops, because even after all this time, it's still not very funny.

"He - we were friends in high school, and just made a series of, um. Really poor decisions that involved lack of condoms and us not caring and then, well. We graduated in June, the same week I turned eighteen, and I told him I was three months pregnant and I don't know. I guess we were young enough and naïve enough to assume it'd all work out."

Ashlyn grips her glass with both hands, frowning. "What happened?"

"My mom took us in. We thought we could handle it, but it turns out he couldn't, and he kind of just - we were living with my mom while we went to school, right - this community college at the edge of town - and a few months after Mia was born, he's gone when we wake up and calls me two days later from an unknown number and says I can't do this. Dropped out of college, came back once to pack his shit up when no one was home. So I haven’t seen him since."

Ashlyn still has a downturn to her lips, and she nudges her foot against Ali’s shin again. "So he's just been gone for the past two years? He doesn't even call and check in?"

"Every once in awhile. Last time,” she frowns and, thinks back: “New Year’s, I think? It was a California area code.”

Ashlyn thunks back against her chair. "Damn. That's crazy.” She smiles; it fractures into a thin line, and her mouth pinches at the corners. “I'd know all about dad’s bailing.”

“Yeah,” Ali agrees without thinking, and Ashlyn cocks her head, and then smirks.

“You, too?”

“My dad was a bit of an ass.” Ashlyn grins. Ali smiles and continues: “My mom divorced him when my brother and I were kids, and he ran off. We were better without him. You can’t make someone stay who doesn’t want to be there.”

“You really don’t seem like the type of girl who’d give up her kid," Ashlyn tells her, and her foot nudges again.

"No," Ali says. It’s what everyone back home thought. Figured she'd hand her over to the grandparents, and beg her mom to take her in so she could have her life again, beg him to come back. "I couldn't. I was so exhausted, eight hours in labor will do that to you, but I remember holding her after. Her fingers were so small. She was so tiny and fragile and I- I loved her from the second I saw her. Everything I had gone through was worth it."

" I looked at her and I knew I’d do anything for her. I can't imagine ever leaving someone I love that much."

She glances at Ashlyn before shaking her head. "Crap," she grimaces, and laughs at herself. "We’re swapping life stories and all you wanted to do was invite me to a party."

"No, it's -" Ashlyn has this smile on her face, so soft and affectionate. With dimples poking out too. She licks her lips and looks down. "It's cool. Really. Thank you for telling me."

There's a lull, a moment where they just watch each other - Spider-Man's still going strong in the living room - before Ashlyn asks, "Do you go out a lot?"

"Um. No. Not anymore." She mumbles: "Dating or - ?"

"Anything. Do you have friends you see regularly?"

"Not really. My coworkers at the café are cool, but we all have weird schedules. As for anyone else - I have Mia. And most people our age don't really want to plan their night around a toddler for me."

"I'd plan a night for you," Ashlyn says with a smile, and it's not necessarily an invitation - just a sweet sort of declaration. Ali believes her. "I would, with Mia too."

Ali smiles softly. "Would you?"

"Yeah, she's a cute little girl. Plus, my friend Hope - the one that said you could be a murderer. She has siblings, and a hand full of nephews. I got used to helping her babysit when we were teenagers.  
Kelley was awful," Ashlyn laughs at some unknown memory. "They make her frustrated, I think she, expects them to answer properly and use logic and feed and clean themselves."

"Not you, though?"

Ashlyn grins. "No, I'm an immature brat most days, I fit right in." She taps her fingers on the table and dances in her seat for a moment. “We can hang out, whenever. If you’re ever here with nothing to do. I bet Alex and Tobin would love to babysit, if you ever need a day off.”

“I have a regular babysitter,” Ali says. “There’s a girl upstairs whose watched her since I moved in - but thanks for the offer.”

“No problem. And I’m free, after class and work. If you ever want to bring her over too, and chill. I have kid friendly video games! And this girl I know works at the supermarket a few blocks down and hooks me up with juice and stuff, so she’ll have plenty to eat and drink; I think she’s trying to get on my good side so I put in a good word with Tobin, but she’s got it all wrong, with that one, unless she just thinks Tobin and Alex will be up for a threesome, but -”

Ashlyn says this all on the same breath, and then stops, suddenly, and gives a hollow laugh. “Sorry. I ramble when I’m nervous.”

She doesn’t elaborate on why, and Ali doesn’t ask - Ashlyn pulls her phone out of her pocket, checks the time and stands. “I should get going, actually.”

Ali stands, too. “I’ll let you out.”

“I got it,” Ashlyn grins and turns. “Watch the movie with your daughter - we’re on for Friday?”

Ali tries not to nod too hard and Ashlyn smiles with her dimples poking out. 

“Cool. See you then.”

“Bye!” Ali calls, leaning over the back of her chair as Ashlyn closes the door behind her. She glances at Mia lounging on the sofa, rises and walks over to her. She slumps down onto the sofa and she  
crawls up next to her and leans against her side.

“Who that?” she asks, and she hands her a sippy cup with a built in straw along its side and watches Andrew Garfield crash through a building.

“A new friend, I think.” Ali brushes at her hair. “Her name’s Ashlyn.”

“Ash'n,” she says with her mouth around the straw; Ali laughs and tickles her side.

“Ashlyn, babe.”

“Ash'n,” she repeats, and she rests her head on hers and holds her close.

“Yeah, alright. Ash'n.”

*

Tobin and Kelley are arguing over the remote when Ashlyn gets back to the apartment. There's this tug of war going, with Alex standing off to the side, hands on her hips; she sighs, stomps over towards the dartboard set up against the wall - Tobin says something about ramming the remote down Kelley' throat if she even thinks about putting on another episode of Doomsday Preppers, Kelley mumbles maybe they should watch that daytime TV thing about anger management again because she's clearly in need of a refresher -

"Ow!" Kelley jerks away from her and shakes her hand out. The remote drops between them; Tobin picks it up, smiles and skips towards the sofa.

Kelley glares at Alex. "Did you throw a dart at me!"

"It's plastic," Alex says with a roll of her eyes. She pushes past her, sits next to Tobin as she changes it to the History Channel. "It didn't even break the skin."

"If I get tetanus, it's your fault," Kelley tells her, and then notices Ashlyn still leaning against the door. "Dude! Alex stabbed me. Did she say yeah?"

"I think so." She smiles, sags a little. "Her daughter's really cute. Her name’s Mia."

Tobin leans over the back of the sofa. "Did you meet her dad?"

Ashlyn's pretty sure Ali wouldn't want her spilling all her secrets, so she offers, "Out of the picture."

"Hm," she turns back around, curls up against Alex's side. "Interesting."

"Interesting," Kelley repeats. "Yes. What I find incredibly interesting is why you, Ashlyn, have decided to go for some random girl with a kid -"

"Kelley," Alex kicks out a leg at her, but she skirts around it -

"And you don't even know if she likes girls?"

"She doesn't have to," Ashlyn shrugs. "She just has to like me."

(She hears Alex murmur aww.)

Kelley walks up to her, slings an arm around her shoulder and pulls her in close. "Look, I love you," she drags Ashlyn into the recliner with her, tugs until Ashlyn's leaning on the arm. "You're my best friend. I don't want you to get your hopes up and then find out she's not even a little interested in your tongue -"

Tobin scoffs, "You're so crass -"

"Or your heart," Kelley finishes pointedly.

"I just want to get to know her," Ashlyn says. "I'm okay with being her friend - getting her out of her apartment every once in awhile. She doesn't seem like she gets a lot of breaks. If she ends up liking  
me, that's okay, too. It's just a crush on a hot neighbor."

"A hot neighbor with a really cute kid," Alex adds, just for the fun of it, and Ashlyn smiles.

"I offered your babysitting services, just in case."

Alex holds out a hand for her to grasp; she smiles. "Always happy to help out a cause."

Tobin purses her lips. "What's the cause?"

"Ashlyn christening your new apartment with some hot neighbor sex?" Kelley guesses, and then looks up at Ashlyn. "Also maybe playing Parcheesi with her. Because friendship is important too, or something."

"Exactly, Kelley," Ashlyn says with a laugh. She pushes off the arm of the recliner. "Okay, I have to get to a lecture; Kelley you need to leave before Tobin kills you -"

"Which will be very, very soon if I find you deleting my recorded shows to make room for your awful taste -"

Alex claps a gentle hand over Tobin’s mouth and waves her other at Ashlyn. "Have fun in class!"

"I won't!" she calls back, and she laughs. Kelley follows her out, barrels into her.

"Ashlyn! Gimme a ride back to mine. My car’s still in the shop and Alex picked me up earlier."

Ashlyn checks her phone when they hit the first floor. "Kelley, I have twenty minutes to get to class," she pauses, and sighs, because what's the point in pretending like she won't help Kelley out, really.  
"At least give me a couple bucks for gas? I'm on fumes."

"Sure thing, pal of mine," Kelley says, and then tugs on Ashlyn's bicep to get her to stop. They're on the top step, and Kelley' face is doing that weird thing when she’s actually trying to be serious.

"Hey, you know I'm kidding about the kid thing, right?"

"Yeah, dork." Ashlyn heads down the steps and across the street towards her car; Kelley knocks their shoulders together.

"You - you can get attached to people, you know? And I don't want you to actually end up liking her instead of just wanting to hook up with her - what, am I wrong," she asks when Ashlyn lifts an eyebrow, and Ashlyn leans against the driver's side and smirks, "and then find out she's like, afraid of commitment, or relationships, or girls with adorable dimples."

She opens up the passenger side and buckles herself in; Ashlyn rubs at her face, slides in and shuts the door. "Yeah, fine, point taken."

"I want her to like you. Frankly, if she doesn't, she's probably a terrible person. So, you know. Her loss."

Ashlyn starts the car and pulls out of the parking space. "Kelley, nothing's even happened yet."

"I'm being proactive. In the off chance that nothing stays exactly that."

"You're a good friend, Kelley," Ashlyn says idly as she leans forward to read a street sign. Kelley snorts and props her feet up on the dash.

"I'm your best friend. Now, c'mon, kick it into gear, Ashlyn, you have fifteen minutes to get to school. Do you have a super speed button? Is this it? No, that’s the cigarette lighter -”

“Fuck,” Ashlyn laughs. “I’m going to be so fucking late.”

*

Ali shows up late, that Friday. She doesn’t mean to; she misses her first bus, has to frantically text Heather that she’ll be late, and by the time she’s dressed in non-uniform clothes and knocking on  
Ashlyn’s door, it’s nine thirty.

Megan opens it, nods hello to Ali and smiles down at Mia. “Hi, there.”

Mia waves with the hand not gripping Ali’s; there’s a plastic Spider-Man clutched in her grip. “Hi.”

“Ashlyn’s going to flip,” Megan says then, looking back up at Ali.

“What? Why?”

“She thought you weren’t coming. Ashlyn,” Megan calls, glancing over her shoulder. She steps aside to let them through, and Ali can hear the smile in her voice when she says, “Guess who’s here.”

Ashlyn’s head pokes up from behind the sofa, where Kelley, Tobin and Hope are sitting around a game, it looks like, beers in hand. Ashlyn hops over the back end of the piece of furniture, grinning, dimples and all. “Ali! Hey, I was getting worried you weren’t going to come!”

“I missed my usual bus,” Ali says.

“You should -” she pauses to offer a hand out for Mia to shake; she takes it instead and her smile gets wider. “You should give me your number. Just in case you ever need to text, and can’t. Because you don’t have my number.”

“Oh, Jesus Christ,” Megan mumbles around the mouth of her beer. Mia stares at her with wide, round eyes and she holds the beer behind her back and schools her face into something gentler. “Hey, sweetheart, you want something to drink?”

She keeps staring. Ali nudges her. “Mia, she asked you a question.”

“I have apples?” she asks, and then says a sentence that doesn’t even make sense to Ali - something about cars, she thinks, or maybe pears. Megan and Ashlyn both stare at her, waiting for a translation, and Ali shrugs.

“I have no idea. But she has stuff in here,” she shifts her backpack off her shoulders, and Megan takes it one-handed with the hand holding her beer. She holds her other out to Mia just before Alex appears with a smile. She drops her chin to Megan’s shoulder, waggles her fingers at Mia.

“Hi there, Mia.” Ali’s brows furrow - she can’t remember telling them her name - but Ashlyn gives her a sheepish grin and rubs the nape of her neck, mouths told ‘em. Alex says, “C’mon, let’s see what’s in your bag.” She sits down right there on the floor, legs crossed, and Megan sets her bottle down on the counter kitchen counter before she joins her.

Mia looks up at Ali in question and she nods. “Go ahead.”

She kneels down with them, babbling something as Megan gets open her backpack. “I colors,” she says, and pulls out a coloring book. She hands it to Alex, digs into her bag for some markers. “Want to?”

“Yes, we’d love to,” Alex says, and Megan’s wearing a fond smile as she opens up the coloring book. Ali feels a bit grateful, of all things - this isn’t weird, hanging out with them. Doesn’t have to be.

Alex uncaps a marker for Mia and she grabs it with a chubby hands, draws a line across the paper and drags onto the hardwood. “Don’t worry,” Ali says before anyone can accuse her kid of dirtying up their floors, “it’s those magic markers that only color on certain paper. It won’t get on your clothes or anything.”

“That’s awesome!” Megan’s grinning, uncaps a red one and scribbles into the coloring book; the red appears after a few moments and she laughs. “Kids have all the cool toys nowadays. Mia, do you want a green one? Look, that’s a tree, color it green -”

“No, blue,” Mia says, and Alex hands over the correct color. Ashlyn tugs on Ali’s hoodie.

“Want something to drink?”

“Um. I’ll have a beer, I guess.”

Ashlyn grabs two out of a half-full carrying case, twists off the caps and hands Ali one. She heads to the sofa, smiles back at Ali. “I told you it was cool.”

“Yeah,” Ali takes a sip of her beer. “Well, you hear a twenty-year-old is having an apartment-warming party, you kind of assume it’s going to be,” she gestures with her hand. “Big, or whatever.”

“Oh, I do throw parties,” Ashlyn laughs when they near the coffee table Tobin, Kelley and Hope are sitting around. “Just didn’t feel like it this time.”

“What’re they playing -?”

“Our version of Pictionary,” Tobin says, crouched down to stare eye-level at an hourglass timer as Kelley draws scribbles out a drawing. Hope is sitting across from her dead silent, waiting. Kelley holds up the drawing pad: it’s a long, oval-shaped thing with tendrils drawn on one end, looks sort of like -

“Kelley, that looks like a literal steaming piece of shit,” Hope says.

“It’s not.” She shakes the pad, like that’ll help. “Think!”

“A melted Snickers bar.”

Ashlyn laughs, sags into the loveseat and pulls Ali down with her.

“Oh, my God,” Kelley says, “please use your brain for something other than calculating how long you have to glare at a person to move -”

“Kelley, your long-winded barbs aren’t as useful when we’re in the middle of a game, you idiot -”

“I know what it is,” Tobin says cheerfully, and watches the sand slowly trickle down the hourglass. “And your time’s up.” She looks at Hope. “It’s a cigar. Sigmund Freud.”

Kelley thumps her head on the table. “Everything is awful. Ali, you’re about to witness a grown woman cry.”

Tobin flicks her in the temple, and looks up at Ali. “Hi. We didn’t get properly introduced yesterday.” She holds out a hand to shake her. “Tobin Heath. Do you want to play? Ashlyn’s pretty awful, I could use the help.”

Ali glances towards the front door, by the kitchen - Megan and Alex are still on the floor with Mia, clinking their juice boxes with hers like champagne flutes. “How do you play your version?”

“It’s really the same as regular Pictionary,” Kelley says. “Except the losing team has to do the winning team’s laundry for a month.”

“We don’t play it a lot,” Ashlyn says, leaning in to her. “Which is also why everyone gets into it.”

“Ha, I’m not going to be responsible for deciding who gets to do clothes,” Ali says. “I’ll watch, though. So - Kelley, you room with Hope -"

"I hate her," Kelley says brightly.

"It's a complicated friendship," Tobin explains. "Based on mutual tolerance cultivated over an extended period of time spent together, barely concealed contempt, and a love of Ashlyn, really."

"Also, Hope's apartment is massive, and she's always gone, so it's basically like having it to myself."

“That, and Alex and Tobin were willing to give me the smaller room for a hundred bucks less,” Ashlyn says, and nudges her thigh against Ali’s. She's wearing this sweet, open smile - genuine and inviting, and Ali can't help but smile back. "You want to see it?"

Hope laughs. Tobin snorts quietly and takes swigs her beer. Kelley murmurs, "Down girl," and Ali opens her mouth to answer when she hears, "Mommy!"

She coughs, shifts away from Ashlyn and sees Mia galloping over to her with a paper in her hand. She stumbles, falls to her knees and pushes right back up. Megan lifts her over the back end of the sofa, plops her in between Ashlyn and Ali; she drops down into the armchair, and Alex goes next to Tobin.

Mia climbs into her lap and shoves the paper in her face. "I did it!"

"You did," she holds it away to inspect it. "It's beautiful."

"Look, Ash'n," she says, and leans over Ali's arms to show Ashlyn. She chuckles and brushes her fingers through her hair. "It's awesome, Mia. What are you calling me?"

"Ash'n," Ali says, and the others all laugh.

"Ash'n!" Tobin presses her hands to her cheeks. "That's adorable."

Ali's gaze flicks to Ashlyn. Ashlyn shrugs and smiles.

*  
Ali leaves around eleven with Mia nodding off in her arms, half a dozen new numbers in her phone and a hug from Ashlyn in the hallway that lasts longer than any of the others.

(She might lean into it, might tuck her nose against Ashlyn's neck, and this is definitely a bad idea on a number of levels - Ali doesn't like distractions, she has next to no social life because of work and school and can’t really do dating, if she’s even reading this right; Ashlyn's a twenty year old who is - admittedly - nice, and sweet, and apparently really fucking built under the v neck she's wearing -

But she's a twenty year old without baggage, and Ali's tired of people leaving when things get tough.)  
(Ashlyn pulls away, laughing, and says, "Text me, okay?" and Ali can do this, at least; find a few friends her age who are willing to something as kind as letting her daughter play a round of Pictionary and pretend that every scribbled drawing is a masterpiece. She nods, and makes a promise she’s willing to keep.)

*

Turns out it’s pretty easy, being Ashlyn’s friend. Ali gets why people are drawn to her: Ashlyn’s affable, energetic - like an overgrown puppy, almost - and protective. Hope, even, tells Ali of a time when she, Ashlyn and Kelley were all kids: they’d been playing video games in Hope’s room, oblivious to the world, and Ashlyn had smelled gas and shot up fast.

They’d run downstairs and rushed out of the house with Hope’s mother, brother, and Hope’s then-toddler aged nephew, only to find out eventually that the gas line behind the stove had been dislodged and leaking. Ashlyn kicks at the throw rug on the ground when Hope tells it, mumbles, “Someone would’ve noticed the smell eventually,” but Kelley swears she couldn’t and Hope - still, even though it’d happened almost a decade ago - looks at her like she’s thankful and tells her as fondly as possible, “Shut up, Ashlyn.”

Tobin tells Ali after three glasses of wine one night that they’d move into this neighborhood, into this apartment, because their last one had been broken into in the middle of the night. Ali asks if everything was okay, and Tobin mentions something about Alex, and an old archery bow, and gets this far-off look in her eyes and goes off in search of her girlfriend.

They disappear - though, Ali hears a distinct giggling coming from their room a few moments later - and Megan stretches her legs out on the sofa and finishes the story: Ashlyn had moved in with them instead of staying with Hope and Kelley because of the money and also because she’d been worried, wanted to make sure they’d be okay by themselves. 

“Not,” Megan adds, “that she was assuming they couldn’t take care of themselves. ‘You’re totally capable on your own, but I love you and also I kind of want to see Alex shoot a dude with an arrow’ were her exact words, I think.”

And maybe Mia’s viewing habits are skewing Ali’s rational thought, but Ashlyn sort of reminds of her Spider-Man - just a normal girl who does what she can to help.

(She tells Ashlyn this when she’s over with Mia one night; Ashlyn jokingly gives her limbs a shake, swipes a hand over the back of her neck and proclaims no bites, not a hero. But she smiles and looks down at her hands and Ali feels too-big and too-happy and ten kinds of content when she traverses the three steps back to her own apartment a few hours later.)

Fall treads on, and as the months pass, Ashlyn somehow becomes the first person she texts in the morning, the last person she talks to at night, and Ali doesn’t know what they’re doing exactly, only knows she doesn’t want it to stop. She’s not going to start something with Ashlyn that’ll hurt if it ends when Ashlyn meets someone at school, or when she decides she wants to live her life without worrying about someone else’s kid all the time, but Ali likes whatever routine they’ve fallen into, mostly because they’ve fallen into it together.

*

Ashlyn’s screwed.

She’s lying on her bed, contemplating how and when, exactly, her whatevercrush on a hot neighbor turned into goodnight texts and too-long glances at mouths that Ali probablydefinitely notices because Ashlyn’s as transparent as tracing paper when she’s interested in someone.  
She groans into the pillow under her head and Kelley pounces on her.

“I told you,” she says as she shifts to sit at the headboard, and she sounds apologetic. “You get attached.”

“Noo, but I wasn’t supposed to like her like this.” Ashlyn’s voice is muffled from where her face is smushed into the pillow. “I kind of just wanted to kiss her but now it’s like, I want to kiss her and see  
what she looks like when she wakes up in the morning, and I want to take her and her kid out to do fun stuff, and shit, she’s really nice. Kelley. Kelley.”

“Yeah, buddy, I know,” Kelley pats her shoulder. “You’re screwed.”

“I’m so screwed,” Ashlyn agrees on an exaggerated, elongated groan. Kelley stops patting her shoulder.

“Hey, maybe not, you know? Maybe you can talk to her.”

“And tell her what, Kelley? ‘Hey, I sort of like you a lot, and I know you have a kid and a shitty ex but I think this can work, if we try.’ That’s so - that’s so Hallmark Movie Channel. I swear to God, that’s the kind of speech someone gives on Christmas Eve in a fucking airport or something. No.”

“Don’t mock the made-for-TV-movie route,” Kelley tells her. She tries to look Ashlyn in the eye, leans over too far falls off the edge of the bed. She reaches out a hand on the floor to cup Ashlyn’s face with a hand. “Okay one, ow, and two: I think I heard somewhere once that honesty is the best policy. Unless, what, you’re scared she’ll turn you down and then stop talking to you?”

Ashlyn frowns with her whole body it feels like, and Kelley laughs - not at her, mostly, but also yes, a little - and coos. “Aw, Ashlyn, c’mon. We’re not in high school anymore. Everyone’s mature here -”

“Kelley, you’re wearing Spongebob undies -”

“ - mature and still in touch with their childlike sense of wonder, which is not a thing a person should ever lose, Ashlyn - and, anyway, she seems into it.”

“Yeah, but there’s being into it and actually wanting to be serious.”

“Well, maybe we can draw up a plan.” She rolls along the floor to Ashlyn’s closet, and opens it wide to assess the pile of board games for a long moment before pulling out one in particular and dumping its contents. “Like Mouse Trap. Look, we'll call it How To Avoid All Of Life's Obstacles And Win Ali's Heart."

Ashlyn laughs. "What the hell, Kelley, she's not a piece of cheese."

"Okay, but," Kelley waves a hand at the mess of a board game as she starts to set it up, "it's like, a metaphor for your life. You are the mouse. Ali is the cheese. This boot thing - I dunno what that is, but it's not good."

"Jesus, Kelley, you make it sound like - I'm not going to eat her -"

"Well," Kelley trails off. 

Ashlyn groans. "Oh my god. You're the worst."

Kelley looks up at her from across the room.

“You said it though!” Kelley says, and then suggests: “I can write her a text, if you want.”

She grabs Ashlyn’s phone off her bedside table. Ashlyn makes a feeble attempt to stop her, decides she doesn’t care because it’s not like Kelley will send it, and when Kelley crawls up to her and shows her, her phone again, Ashlyn rolls her eyes.

To: Ali (saved draft) DEAR ALI DO U LIKE ME CHECK ONE _ YES _ YES _ HOW DO U LIKE UR EGGS 4 BREAKFAST ;)

“And who says romance is dead,” Ashlyn wonders flatly. Kelley rests her head against the edge of the bed and her mouth quirks up into a smile.

“We’ll figure something out! Even if I have to buy you a plane ticket just to get her to chase after you.”

“Please don’t.”

“You’re saying ‘please don’t’ but I’m hearing ‘yes, please, Kelley, book two roundtrip flights to the Bahamas on my credit card.’”

Ashlyn opens her mouth to retort when her phone buzzes in Kelley’ hand. Kelley swipes the phone open to read it; she mutters, “Shit, that’s cute,” and holds the phone out for Ashlyn. It’s a picture message - Ali and Mia, both in pajamas, sticking their tongues out at the camera.

From: Ali Night 203 :) wjsdlwpdlkaKDIWLDLkdj??:*& (Mia wanted to write something too, haha)

Ashlyn muffles a scream into her pillow.

*

Ali takes the bus home for Thanksgiving - to her mother’s house, and they have a quiet dinner, nice, and she asks if anything’s new have you met anyone you don’t have to do all this alone let me help -

But Ali just clears the plates and offers a smile; she can take care of Mia, can be a mom - both parents, really - and her mom comes from a good place, but part of Ali thinks moving in with her is some  
admission of failure, an acknowledgment that she's not enough for Mia.

Kyle’s back from military leave for a week and he and Ali go outside to have a smoke on the front steps once Mia is out like a light with her grandmother. They’re huddled together to stave off the cold, and Kyle blows a series of cigarette smoke rings at her and asks, “So are you seeing someone or what?”

Ali shrugs, thinks or what, “I don’t know.”

Kyle laughs. “What do you mean you don’t know?” and when Ali shrugs again, Kyle slings an arm around her shoulders and pulls her in close. 

“C’mon,” Kyle eggs her on, “girl or guy? Are they treating you right? Do they know about Mia?”

Ali watches the ashes fall off the end of Kyle's cigarette and gives him a subdued smile. “I don’t want to saddle someone with all the shit I have to deal with.”

“Like - ? I swear, Ali, if you shrug again -”

Ali laughs, and leans into her brother. “Like, what if he comes back? He’s still Mia’s dad. I don’t want to drag her - Ashlyn - into some personal battle -”

“Jesus, Ali, you make it sound like it’s a chore to be with you.”

“But it sort of is.” She scuffs the heel of her shoe against the concrete step and shivers against the wind. “She’s not a mistake. She’s never - from the day she was born, she was anything but. I can’t let  
another person into her life and then take them away, just like that.”

Kyle squeezes Ali shoulder and knocks their heads together. “You’re an idiot, you know that, right?”

“Yes, obviously, that’s exactly what I wanted to hear, thank you,” Ali deadpans, and Kyle laughs again.

“No - Ali, have you ever thought about asking her? You can condense all of this into one simple question instead of moping because you’re confused about a friendship. We’ve all been there - you want  
to say something, but you don’t want to ruin things the way they are now - but seriously, nothing will ever happen if you’re too scared to let it.”

Ali glances around the empty block. 

Kyle tells her. “Just think about it. What do you have to lose?”

Ali wants to say a lot, but all that comes out is, “Okay. I’ll think about it.”

“I’m coming back for Christmas,” Kyle tells her. “I’ll shave your eyebrows off in your sleep if you aren’t dating her by then.”

“Yes sir,” Ali laughs again, head thrown back, nose crinkled. 

“Idle threats,” Kyle corrects, and then gives Ali’s cheek a few gentle slaps. “You deserve to be happy, Ali. I know no one in this family has the greatest track record, but there’s always an outlier.”

Ali’s phone buzzes in her pocket; she pulls it out and checks. It’s a text from Ashlyn - GOBBLE GOBBLE TURKEYYYYYY :D my grandma made a shit ton of different types of pies. I’m bringing some back with me for you to try!!!!!!

Kyle snorts. “Is that her?”

Ali doesn’t bother biting back her smile. “Yeah.”

“Hm.” Kyle flicks his cigarette away and rubs his fingers over Ali’s eyebrows, whispers, “Remember what you have to lose.”

Ali bats his hand away. “Okay,” She looks at Kyle and nods. “Thanks.”

“We’re family,” Kyle ruffles her hair and smacks a kiss to her temple. “It’s what I’m here for.”

*

December hits, and the snow falls over the city. Winter break means Ali’s free from both school and her work-study hours at the café, but she still has to make money and manages to snag a job at the  
Starbucks a few blocks down from them like she’s done every winter since she’s moved here. 

She sets up a little tree in their apartment a week before Christmas - promises her daughter a massive ten foot pre-lit one when they move into a house, eventually - and then heads next door with Mia in hand to help Alex, Tobin and Ashlyn with theirs. They’re loop along little handmade popcorn-and-cranberry strings, and Ashlyn gives Mia a star, lifts her up so she can place it on top of the tree. It’s hardly taller than Ali’s head, and Ashlyn holds tight to Mia and smiles at her.

“I’ve always wanted a big tree. One of those ones that look like they’re in a magazine. Ten feet, all the lights matching. I never lived in a house big enough to have one, but it’d be nice.”

Mia’s talking to her about the tree - it’s pretty Ash'n look the ordaments can I have popcorn - and tries to stuff the Santa cookie she’s been eating into her mouth. She chokes on a laugh, takes a bite and offers it back to her, smiles with crumbs sticking to her lips. “Is that dumb?”

Ali shakes her head. “No, I - me, too.”

“Yeah?” She licks the crumbs away. “Cool.”

Ali glances behind them. Alex’s on a step stool hanging up mistletoe and Tobin leans up on her heels to press a smile to her mouth; Megan’s cradling a bowl of popcorn in her lap on the sofa and watching Hope and Kelley play an extremely uneven round of arm wrestling that mostly involves Hope sitting completely still and Kelley using all her weight to shove their clasped hands in one direction with a grimace on her face.

When she looks back, Ashlyn’s still smiling at her. Mia’s sprinkling cookie crumbs into her hair, and she pretend-chomps at her hands and asks, “Hey, are you doing anything for her birthday? It’s Saturday, right?”

“Yeah, and probably not, aside from a cake and a few presents. I don’t even think I can make it to my mom’s, but I’ll see her for Christmas anyway, so.”

“Do you want to throw her a party here? I mean - she doesn’t have like, little kid friends or anything, but it might be cool. If you want.”

Ali raises a knowing eyebrow. “Do you already have something planned?”

“I maybe have rented a helium balloon machine,” Ashlyn relents. “And I bought this pin-the-Spider-Man sticker thing -”

“Ashlyn -”

“It’s not a big deal,” Ashlyn says swiftly, and blinks when crumbs fall onto her lashes.

“You have cookie in your hair,” Mia tells her, sounding satisfied, and she nods very seriously at her.

“Yes, thank you, Mia. I’ll save it for a snack later,” she peeks at Ali. “So?”

“You want to do that for her?”

For me, she means, but Ashlyn just lifts a shoulder. “Of course I would. She’s the cutest little girl ever, she deserves to have a kick-butt birthday.”

Ali watches her, hears Kelley groan frustratedly and snap jeez, what are you, an actual ox - and Megan saying, “Ladies, no fondling when there is a child present -” 

And a smile spreads slow across Ali’s face, lifts up one end of her mouth, and then the other, until it feels like it might split in two. 

“Yeah, okay,” she says. “A party.”

“Mommy, I’m tired,” Mia says, resting her head in Ashlyn’s crumb-filled hair. “Ash'n, home please.”

Ashlyn’s eyes light up and she says, “I’ll walk you to your door.”

*

Mia's dozing with her arms around Ali's neck when they get to her apartment, and instead of unlocking the door and heading right in, Ali meanders in the middle of the hallway. Ashlyn’s door is still wide open, and she can see their friends glancing out from time to time, curious but pretending not to be.

Ali adjusts her arms around Mia, hitches her up better; she smiles at Ashlyn. "Thanks. For tonight, and for everything, I guess. You don’t have to do stuff like this."

Ashlyn seems surprised. “I want to. I always like hanging out with you.”

Mia mumbles something sleepily, and Ali brushes at her hair.

"You're a great mom, you know."

Ali hides a smile in her daughter's hair and glances at Ashlyn. "Yeah?"

"Yeah, and I swear, your kid is the cutest little girl I’ve ever met." She slides a hand up Ali’s arm. “She gets it from you.”

Ali clears her throat and looks down at where Ashlyn's hand is curled around her arm. She's close, and Ali can smell her perfume, or shampoo - something fruity and fresh - and she sways in a little, and then catches herself.

“Why’d you walk to me the door?” Ali asks, her lips curving into a smile and Ashlyn huffs out a laugh.

“I don’t know, 'cause I'm nice like that?” She licks her lips, and Ali tracks the movement; her smile fades, then, and she takes a breath:

"Um - you know, if you ever want to do something, just. Just the two of us, after you get out of work or whatever, we can. Do. That. Um. Tobin and Alex like babysitting Mia when Heather upstairs can’t, so they wouldn’t - they wouldn’t mind. And then I can take - take you home, after -”

She squeezes her eyes shut briefly and laughs. "I mean - shit, like walk you home. Like this."

"I get what you mean." Ali interrupts her with a grin before she can say anything else, and Ashlyn rubs the nape of her neck, sheepish.

"Sorry - I always do this around you." She slides her hands back into her pockets and when Ali tilts her head, Ashlyn explains: "I don't know, say stupid stuff. My mouth gets all weird and nothing comes out right."

Ali laughs, an exhaled burst of surprise. "Why?"

Ashlyn looks at her, and then away. "Don't know." She kicks at the dingy hallway carpet with the toe of her shoe. "You make me - um."

A pause. Ali murmurs make you what and Mia stirs, whines like she's going to cry, and Ali winces. 

"I should - it's late, she has to go to bed."

"Yeah, yeah, sure - sorry," Ashlyn waves her hand, backs away until she's back inside of her own apartment. Ali gets her door open and Ashlyn says, "I'll um - so I'll see you Saturday?"

She glances over her shoulder: Ashlyn’s standing on the threshold, hanging in the doorway with her hands on the frame while wearing an endearingly hopeful look on her face.

Ali smiles, pushes her door further open with her foot, turns and takes a backwards step in. "Yeah."

"Cool, it's a date," Ashlyn says as she starts to shut her door, and then her head pokes out a moment later, "I mean -"

"I know what you mean, Ashlyn," Ali laughs, and she's lingering, why is she lingering -

"Tongue-tied."

"What?"

Ashlyn repeats, “Tongue-tied.” A dimpled grin pulls at her mouth. “That's what you make me."

*

Saturday is a whole day of adults playing kids games, and Kelley wearing ten party cones at once all around her face like a freckle-faced sun, and Mia’s squeals of laughter every time Hope piggybacks her around the apartment; she gets cake in her hair and she smiles like it’s the best thing ever.

Megan brings a platter of cupcakes from the bakery she works at, as well as a birthday cake with Spider-Man figurines placed in it. They sing happy birthday and she cries, why do little kids always cry but she gives them a watery smile after she hides her face in the crook of Ali’s neck for fifteen minutes, one that gets even wider when Ashlyn gives her a stack of presents. 

They eventually wind down; Megan drives Kelley and Hope home after they both get stomach aches from too much cake - Tobin laughs and says, “honestly, you’d think they were the kids, I’m surprised Kelley’ tongue isn’t permanently blue after this from all the frosting she’s eaten.” - on the explicit agreement that she’s allowed to a) crash on their sofa and b) not be forced to clean up any cake-puke. 

Alex and Tobin stay up with them a little longer and then head to bed themselves; Mia knocks out sometimes around ten, passed out from a sugar crash, and Ali puts her down for a nap in Ashlyn’s room while Ashlyn makes a half-assed effort to clean up.

Ali flops down on the sofa and is finishing off a third cupcake when Ashlyn finally sits down next to her and gestures with her fingers at her own mouth. “You have frosting on your face.”  
(This has happened before, Ali thinks as she licks at the corner of her mouth. In about thirty thousand different tv shows and movies, and Ali doesn’t really know how this turned into her life, but she’s not entirely sure she objects to it.

Maybe she should have a string quartet follow her around everywhere.)

“Here,” Ashlyn sighs, and right, okay, this definitely happened in some random Lifetime movie Ali watched last week; she swipes her thumb under Ali’s bottom lip, presses in for the briefest of moments. Her eyes flick down - of course they do - and a laugh bubbles up out of Ali before she can even stop it when Ashlyn licks off the excess frosting off her thumb. 

She can’t tell how borderline-hysterical it is, but Ashlyn just straightens out and sits in close. She grabs the remote off the sofa, flips to a random movie - Christmas-themed, naturally - and after a while, she lets her head fall onto Ali’s shoulder with a soft thump.

She’s so quiet, and it’s silent, all around them, the mess from the birthday party the only evidence that there were even other people here at one point. Ashlyn gets heavier and heavier and Ali whispers, “Ashlyn, are you sleeping?”

In response, Ashlyn's fingers stretch out along the side of Ali's thigh.

There's this pull in Ali's stomach and Ashlyn's barely touching her and all Ali wants to do is -

"So," Ashlyn’s fingers run back and forth lazily, and her nose brushes Ali's cheek when she turns her head. "So, if I asked if I could kiss you, what would you say?"

"Um," she can't even think, Ashlyn's fingers are too distracting; the only thing she can manage is, "Why?"

"I like you," Ashlyn says it likes it's easiest thing in the world, "you're just - you're really great, and I really like you, and -"

Her hand curls over Ali's thigh. "I've wanted - I've wanted to kiss you since, like." She puffs out a breath and pauses to think. "When I saw you step out of your apartment in the summer - I liked you way  
after that but, you know."

She squeezes Ali's thigh.

"I've always wanted to kiss you."

"Um," Ali swallows, glances towards Ashlyn’s room.

"She’s asleep," Ashlyn reminds her, and when Ali turns to look, Ashlyn's biting her bottom lip and her posture is rigid, like maybe she's not breathing properly. Like she's waiting.

"I," Ali hesitates, and then laughs weakly. "Ashlyn."

"Is it because of her?" Ashlyn asks, and Ali starts to shake her head but Ashlyn shakes her even more emphatically and, "No, see - I love - I love Mia, and I think I probably love you, too - not.” 

Her eyebrows knit together.

“I just love you? I don't know if it's like that, but I love you, and you might be my best friend, aside from Kelley and the others, but I - I've wanted to - I want to be with you. You know? And I think you might - you might want that, too."

Ali tries to speak, but just lifts a helpless shoulder. Ashlyn barrels on: "This isn't some casual thing, I really, I really want to be your - I don't know, would it be girlfriend? Basically whatever it means if I'd get to take you out. I really want to take you out on a date, Ali. Then kiss you - a lot - and - and we could do other things, too, if you wanted -"

Her hand squeezes harder on Ali's thigh in a seemingly unconscious gesture and Ali breathes in sharp. And then like a switch, Ashlyn's hand slides away and she sighs.

"Shit, nevermind, this is too much, isn't it? I told you I always say stuff wrong around you - I'll - I'll wake up Mia and you can just - pretend this didn't happen or mull it over and get back to me when you're comfortable, fuck -"

She looks down, and shifts. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I meant to hold off or - or not do it all at once -"

Ashlyn starts to stand, and Ali reaches out and clamps down on her wrist. "Wait."

Ashlyn’s gnawing anxiously at her bottom lip, one knee on the sofa still, sort of - looming over Ali. Ali can think of a lot of things she wants to say - being in love with someone scares me, but you make it seem like it might be okay - but she foregoes that in favor of tugging on Ashlyn’s wrist. Ashlyn stumbles forward, gives Ali a long look before she slides her other knee up again, this time so she’s bracketing Ali’s thighs.

Ali’s chest inhalesexhales too quick to be calm. “Since you met me?”

Ashlyn’s lips are parted; she swipes her tongue across the lower one and nods.

Ali thinks she might laugh - it’s soft, hitched - and Ashlyn gives her an exasperated smile right back and she sighs, “Do you like me?”

Definitely a laugh, this time. “I do.”

Ashlyn catches Ali’s bottom lip between her own, and then she’s grinning right up against Ali’s mouth, nipping the corner of it. They breathe, for a moment, and Ali palms her thighs, head tilted up. 

They can’t do anything, really - she still has to take Mia home - but -

“You’re thinking,” Ashlyn says. Her hand curls into Ali’s hair. “I can tell.”

“Mia -”

“Yeah, I know,” Ashlyn interrupts gently. “You can kiss me tonight, at least. We can get to the other stuff later.”

She rolls in closer as she says this, and her free hand drops between them, knuckles resting against the zipper of Ali’s jeans. She swallows down Ali’s laugh, and her mumble of you sure you mean later.

“I’m taking you on a date,” Ashlyn tells her in between kisses. “Tomorrow.”

“Heather can’t babysit -”

“I’ll get Alex or Tobin to do it. What are you doing tomorrow?”

“Nothing, then,” Ali’s hands slide up to her hips. “I’m yours -”

Ashlyn laughs and tips their foreheads together.

“I’m going to make you so happy if you let me, watch.”

Ali smiles.

*

“Wait, you’re going on a date. With Ali. Tonight. The day before Christmas Eve.”

“If I can find a babysitter?” Ashlyn’s voice lilts up at the end, clearly asking them to watch her, but Alex and Tobin shoot each other frowns.

“We can’t, Ashlyn,” Alex says. “We’re heading to my parents for Christmas, remember? We have to leave this afternoon if we want to make before it gets too late.”

“Oh,” Ashlyn’s shoulders sag, and she slumps against the kitchen table.

“What about her regular babysitter?”

“She’s on vacation in Boston,” Ashlyn tells the table forlornly. “And Megan’s back home, and Hope’s with her family.”

“Well. Kelley can do it.”

Tobin laughs like it’s the funniest joke she’s heard in awhile and Kelley heads out of the bathroom and says, “I can do what?”

“Watch Mia tonight,” Alex says. “Ashlyn has a date.”

“With who? Ali?”

“No, with the plumber that came in here last week,” Tobin says. “Yes, Kelley. With Ali.”

Kelley takes in Ashlyn’s slumped over figure. “She doesn’t seem that happy.”

“That’s because you’re her only hope for actually going on this date tonight, and you hate kids.”

“You’re my Obi-Wan Kenobi,” Ashlyn mumbles pitifully with her face pressed into the table. “Help me, Kelley.”

Kelley shifts from foot to foot. “How long?”

Ashlyn rolls her head to the side. “Eleven?”

“And we’ll just stay in Ali’s, right? And I won’t have to - she’s potty trained, so I won’t have to do anything - just like. Feed her. Give her sunlight -”

“Lord help you,” Tobin tells her, but Ashlyn picks up her head properly.

“Wait, are you saying you’ll do it?”

“Yeah, of course I’ll do it -”

Ashlyn launches out of her seat and throws her arms around Kelley’ neck. Kelley hugs her back tightly, says, “It’s only ‘cause you called me Obi-Wan.”

“Shut up, Kelley,” Ashlyn says happily, and Kelley grins.

“Yeah, alright, I will. For once.”

*

Ali’s not sure she can ever actually recount the whole day again - Kelley shows up around five, and gives Mia a wary smile; she likes her and she can watch her for a few hours, Ali knows that, but she pointedly references the emergency contact numbers half a dozen times before they leave, anyway - 

And then it just. Sort of goes blurry.

There’s dinner, at a restaurant. She’s not sure where. Ashlyn drives, and Ali spends a lot of it feigning like she’s not watching her and getting caught. They talk about - things? Something definitely involving school, at one point. And Ashlyn traps one of Ali’s boots between her shoes right before the bill comes and looks up at her with this half-smile and Ali feels a little like she might throw up, but in a good way.

They watch a movie, too, not that Ali can tell you the plot of it. Or the title. She doesremember that there’s a sex scene - only because she feels Ashlyn go very, very still next to her and squeeze Ali’s fingers a little too tight. She doesn’t let go again until they get to her car, and the second their feet hit the pavement again and Ali comes around to the driver’s side, Ashlyn holds out a hand.

Feels like a first first date - all tightly wound nervous energy, fitfully dipping stomachs and shy glances and even more timid laughs, after. And Ashlyn jogs up the steps with Ali right behind, fingers entwined, only to pause when they get to their floor.

“Um,” Ashlyn looks like she doesn’t know which way to head, so Ali decides for her and walks them over to Ashlyn’s apartment. Ashlyn stifles a laugh in Ali’s shoulder as she gets the door open.

Ali’s heading straight to Ashlyn’s room, shedding her coat and scarf along the way, when the door shuts softly and she turns on heel; Ashlyn’s standing by the kitchen, hesitant, and Ali leans against the wall, hips canted in silent invitation, hand on the doorknob behind her. Ashlyn grins, cuts the distance between them with long strides - her coat gets thrown alongside Ali’s - and presses her up to the door with hands sneaking under her sweater. Ali turns the handle when Ashlyn finally kisses her again and takes a few staggering steps back, pulling Ashlyn with her.

They still haven’t said anything - not until Ashlyn turns her and backs her into the wall with a dull thud, and something catches Ali’s eye in the corner, the lone thing out of place in Ashlyn’s obviously recently cleaned room.

"Why do you have Mouse Trap laid out like that?"

Ashlyn doesn't bother looking; she sucks a kiss into Ali's neck, flattens her palms over Ali's stomach, her ribs.

"Kelley thinks you're cheese."

Ali makes an amused sound and pushes at Ashlyn's hips to look at her. "What do you think?"

She clasps her hands at the small of Ashlyn's back, raises an inquisitive eyebrow. Ashlyn says, "I think - I think if we're not naked and lying on the bed in the next fifteen minutes, then I'm going to lose my mind."

Ali pushes off the wall and walks around Ashlyn. She gives the board game a once over, and studies Ashlyn as she reaches over her head to pull her sweater and her bra off. She drops it at her feet. 

"Fifteen minutes, hm?"

She goes for her belt, next.

"And strictly horizontal? Ashlyn," she shakes her head and lets her belt hit the floor. "You're underestimating me."

Ashlyn bites back a smile. Ali lifts her shoulders. "Are you just going to stand there or do I have to dive-bomb into a giant bowl of Kraft -"

Ashlyn laughs, and curls a hand into the front of Ali’s jeans to jerk her closer. They stumble towards Ashlyn’s bed and Ali moves a hand against her stomach gently; Ashlyn’s legs hit the back of the mattress and she falls onto it, scoots up on her elbows. Ali crawls up after her, chases another kiss with a grin and Ashlyn buries her face in the crook of Ali’s neck, her shoulders shaking with soft  
laughter. “Wait. Wait, wait -”

"You want to stop?" 

Ashlyn peers up at her, tugs her jeans down to her thighs without bothering to undo the buttonfly completely. "No, I - I want to," she pauses, sits up briefly to strip her own shirt and sports bra off. "I want to slow down, just."

Ali kicks off her boots, and then her jeans, settles in the v of Ashlyn’s legs, and she holds herself up with hands pressing into the mattress.

"Let me," Ashlyn's touching her breasts, her shoulders, cupping her jaw and holding her in place. "I want -"

"Ashlyn, what?" Ali laughs, so affectionately, and Ashlyn smiles back like she can't do much else.

"I wanted - I've wanted you for," her hands smooth down Ali's stomach, stop just above her underwear. "For months -"

"All the more reason to get on with it," Ali says, head dipping to bite a kiss into Ashlyn's neck. She aims lower with the next one, and starts to tug Ashlyn’s jeans down simultaneously. Ashlyn lifts her hips, brushes a hand through Ali's hair once Ali pushes their clothes off the bed. She kneels back in when Ashlyn murmurs, "I want to make sure this is actually happening." 

Ali stills, her head near Ashlyn’s raised knee, and Ashlyn clears her throat, embarrassed. "I mean. I."

Ali hides a smiles against Ashlyn's thigh and after a moment, nips the skin there. Ashlyn hisses through her teeth and Ali grins wider.

"See? Not dreaming."

Ashlyn’s propped up on her elbows now, and looks like she’s going to say something absolutely filthy until something registers and she glances towards her jeans. “Wait, what time is it?”

“Uh,” Ali cranes over the edge of the bed to dig for her phone. She clicks a side button until the screen illuminates. 10:27.

Ashlyn flops down onto the bed and boos weakly.

Ali kneels once more, hands on Ashlyn’s knees. “ You’re not going to turn into a pumpkin at eleven, are you?”

Ashlyn has an arm folded over her eyes. “No, thank god.”

“We can still,” Ali leans over her again, to kiss her; her hand dips lower. "Do something.”

Ashlyn lifts her arm at that, says shakily, "The things I,” Ali tucks a hand under her underwear, and Ashlyn licks her lips and closes her eyes, lets her head fall back. “Things I want to do with you - to  
you - it's. It'll take a whole lot longer than thirty minutes.”

"Whole lot longer.” Ali leans back down to press a kiss to the cut of Ashlyn’s hip. “You seem confident."

"Ali.” She looks up. Ashlyn smiles. "You're underestimating me."

Ali snaps the waistband of Ashlyn’s underwear with her teeth. “My mom’s driving up tomorrow. She’s been dying to take Mia ice skating.”

“It’s a Christmas miracle,” Ashlyn declares.

*

At 10:57, Kelley texts them both - I DON’T CARE IF YOURE GETTING IT ON. THERE WERE TERMS AND CONDITIONS STRICTLY SET AND THEY HADN'T INCLUDED BEDTIME STORIES AND CHECKING FOR MONSTERS IN CLOSETS. I'M DONE! - and they chuckle, and slide off the bed to get dressed.

Ali grabs her coat and scarf, and she’s sitting on the edge of the bed and lacing up her boots as Ashlyn yanks on a pair of basketball shorts, a tank top, and a pair of Converse.

"I'll walk you home."

Ali folds her coat over her arm and laughs. "Ashlyn."

"No come on," Ashlyn insists, pushing her towards the front door. “I said I was nice like that, didn’t I?”

They step into the hallway, take the three steps across it; Ali turns and lets Ashlyn push her up against the door just like before. She curls her hands under Ali’s jaw, murmurs, "Can't wait ‘til tomorrow."

Ali smiles, and her voice is raspy when she says, "Me either."

They're pressed together and Ali kisses her, draws her bitten-down nails along Ashlyn's naked back until Ashlyn shivers and

The door whips open. Ali stumbles back a bit before turning around, Ashlyn’s arms still around her.

A cranky looking Kelley stands in front of them.

"Say goodnight now," she says, and Ali and Ashlyn choke back laughter before Ashlyn pecks her once, twice -

"Okay," Kelley hisses, "we get it, you got your freak on. My good deed for the year is done."

"Sorry Kelley," Ali says, sounding not very sorry at all, and she steps past her and into the apartment. Kelley is in the hallway when Ali steps out again, quick, to kiss Ashlyn one last time.

"Night," she says, smiling, and Ashlyn grips her by the elbow before letting her slide away.

"Night, 204," she says, and Ali laughs as she shuts the door.

Ashlyn stands there, grinning at the closed door, until she turns to Kelley, who squints at her.

"You look like a dope."

"A dope who definitely got her freak on."

Kelley shakes her head as if Ashlyn's essence disturbs her to her very core.

"Put a shirt on," she says as they head into Ashlyn’s apartment together. "You have bite marks all over you."

Ashlyn pokes at one. “I know.”

"I am never doing anyone any kind of favor in vague exchange for sex ever again," Kelley declares. "I feel like a pimp. I feel used, Ashlyn."

Ashlyn runs a hand over a bruise on her neck. "Yeah, me too," she says in a low voice, and Kelley flaps her hands in frustration.

"Never again, Ashlyn!"

*

Kyle makes it to Ali’s on Christmas, and when Ali introduces him to Ashlyn, Kyle laughs, shakes her hand and says, “You just did my sister’s eyebrows a very big favor.”

“Oh-kay,” Ashlyn says, bemused, and Kyle walks away to pick his niece up and smother her face in kisses. He sets her back down and she runs towards Ashlyn, attacks her legs with a hug.

“Love you, Ash'n,” she says. “Love you this much.”

She scoops her up and kisses her nose. “Love you, too, Mia,” she tells her, soft and sincere, and it feels a lot like a new start, this moment. Ashlyn glances at Ali, her arms cradled around Mia as she ducks her head to her shoulder.

“Is that - your eyebrows - is that a good thing?”

Ali slings an arm around her neck and presses a kiss to the corner of her mouth as the three of them head into the kitchen.

“It’s great thing,” Ali says. She smiles. “The best, honestly.”

**Author's Note:**

> Love it? Hate it? Comments, concerns, questions? Hit up my tumblr @ yo-its-philly. Also shout out to my buddy, us1775, for looking over this for me! Thanks dude!
> 
> Edit: I'm content with where this story ended, and I have no plans to continue it. I apologize, I should have clearly stated that before.


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